If you are one of my tall readers — and possibly also if you are not! — you might have had one, a few or ALL of these experiences in the dressing room at one point or another. I just hope that you didn’t have them all on the same shopping trip, as that could break a woman!
1. The high rise trousers that you try on and fit so well turn out to be maternity wear (true story).
2. The high rise trousers you try on are an illfitting regular rise and give you a bad case of camel toe.
3. The regular length trousers you try on are cropped and low rise, showing off your paunch/knickers/bum.
4. The unintentionally cropped trousers are too tight at the bottom of the leg, so they get stuck on your calf every time you sit down.
5. Actual low rise trousers only happen to skinny super models.
6. Regular length tops are cropped.
7. Cropped tops are bralettes.
8. You can’t get the pull-over-your-head top back off, as your shoulders are too wide. Do you rip the garment off or wear and buy? Working up a sweat trying to get it off does not help.
9. Fitted shirts have their waist just below your chest and flare out like a maternity top, only to end at your belly button.
10. Mini skirts are nothing more than a wide belt.
11. Knee-length skirts are sexy mini skirts.
12. Midi skirt are the perfect at-the-knee length.
13. Palazzo trousers are longish culottes.
14. Culottes fit like bermuda shorts.
15. Blazers fit like cropped jackets and have unflattering 4/5 length sleeves.
16. Trying on said blazer, you are lucky if you can raise your arms and scratch your head. Forget about reaching for something or driving a car.
17. Short dresses are tunics. Forget about sitting down or bending over.
18. Waisted knee-length dresses are empire waist maternity wear mini dresses
19. Maxi dresses don’t exist — they are frumpy midi-length (empire waisted) midi dresses.
20. Your new largest-size-they-make 41 shoes give you blisters before you’ve even reached the pavement outside.
21. Thigh high boots reach you just on or above the knee and enable you to store extra supplies down the flaring shaft.
Now the important question is, did I forget anything? Please let me know in the comments section, as it’s so much fun when we make fun of short clothing!